Introduction

I've always counted myself as a lucky one.  I never lost anything because I never had it from the beginning.  I was born with my facial paralysis with no explanation why.  There was no birth trauma and no risky behavior during pregnancy.  God just chose me.  About every five years, I've gone back to the doctors to see what the options are.  Six years ago they told me about a gold weight they could put in my eyelid to help me have better eye closure.  They also told me they could botox the good side of my face so it would be more parallel.  I heard I was, "too advanced for technology."  (I do have movement in one small muscle group off the corner of my mouth.  I was told no one would attempt surgery on me for risk of damaging what I do have.)  I haven't had any problems with dry eye, thankfully, because many people with my condition do.  And the idea of botoxing the movement I do have seemed ridiculous.

This leads me to today and the creation of this blog.  After some online research, I'm switching doctors.  I'm headed to Cleveland and Boston to see if technology has caught up with me yet.  Yes, I am doctor shopping, because if I'm going to have someone slice my face open, I want it to be someone I feel I can trust.

The part of this journey I am struggling with is that after making it through childhood and adolescence with a facial paralysis, I am wondering what I'll say if they tell me I am a surgical candidate.  I'm so used to hearing there are no options for me, and I've made it through all of the hard (self-discovery) parts of life, do I really need/want to change now?  I can keep taping my eye closed when I have problems sleeping.  My eyeball is quite flexible after so many years unable to close, it really isn't that bad (and a fun party trick).  If I am able to smile, will I need braces?  No use paying for straight teeth when you can't show off half of them.  But for my 30th birthday, to give myself the smile I've always felt I had, would be pretty incredible.  I'm not sure where this road is leading.  I don't even know what the options are at this point.  All I can do is be prepared to ask thoughtful questions, discern over the answers, and pray that I continue to have the strength to handle whatever choice I make.